Had two dates on Memorial Day. One was for lunch. Really nice guy. A bit older, but still handsome. (Guys my age or older usually don't do it for me. I lead a "young" life.) We chat on yahoo once in awhile, but we're both super busy. I think friends will be what we remain. No chemistry.
Later that night, "milkshake date." He wanted to take me for a shake, which I thought was super cool! PhD candidate in chemistry. Works at a chemical lab for the government. Teaches chem at ASU. HAS TOURETTES. Not kidding. Not the swearing kind (it's really rare), but the tick and clearing throat kind. Really cute. No chemistry. Bummer. Would be nice to date a smart guy.
Jason - This was one that would have lasted. We had awesome chemistry and rapport. But, lo, he lost his job two weeks into our relationship and had to sell his truck. Lives in Ahwatukee. Too far for me to drive every time we wanted to get together. He had so much stress about the money thing that I told him to let me know when things picked up. Really like him and we still talk. Just have to be friends for now.
Mr. Love - yeah, it's his real name. HOT! Comedian. I've never dated a fellow comic before. Black guy. HUGE "down there". Turns out, he's a dang swinger! Ugh. We get along really well and have a BLAST but I don't want a relationship where I have to share. WTF????????????
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Serial Dating Pt1
Keep in mind, the dates I am about to write about are since the beginning of this year. I've been on a LOT of first dates. Some guys last a week or two. This is some crazy shit and it's ALL REAL!
January 2008
BJ - his real name is Abner. BJ/Abner? ???? That should have been the first sign. We dated all of two weeks. Until I found out his "ex" was going to have their baby in May. Said their relationship was over. Stupid me. I emailed her on myspace. I didn't want to start drama, just wanted to be sure SHE wasn't going to get hurt. Turns out, they were trying to work things out. He had commitment issues and they had been "together" for about 2 years. He got mad that I stayed home for the Superbowl and didn't hang out with him. Never heard from him again. She and I still write.
February 2008
Art - Really, really sweet guy. He actually won a date with me for Valentine's Day. It was a nice evening. Two days later was my birthday. He came out to my party. Again, still sweet. The following weekend, took him and his son to the Wildlife World Zoo. I treated. He is a single dad and has raised his 4-year old by himself. Very admirable. I spent $50 for the three of us to get in. I make really good money. No big deal. 4-year old son is still in DIAPERS. NO stroller for the kid at the zoo so he got cranky.
Said it was ok for his kid to be in diapers because he was wearing them till her was 10. WTF???????????? Stayed over once. Didn't even bring a toothbrush. Oral hygiene is key for me. Got totally turned off and despite the fact that he is a really sweet, nice guy who did a lot for me (he fixed things on my car whenever they went wrong) I just couldn't do it any longer.
March 2008
Brian - Met him on singlesnet. Really cute. Made me dinner second time getting together. Most incredible sex ever. Made me gush, even! Didn't want to get serious. I was looking for a relationship. To him to a concert. I drove, he left his motorcycle at my place. Later that night, I go to leave, find him WASTED outside flirting with a really fat ugly chick. He follows me to my car. GONE. It got towed. What's he do? Turns around and goes back into the club. My girl friend takes me to get my car from impound yard. Hear his motorcycle leave my place around 2am...as my FWB was over and gettin' me good. HA!
April - May 2008
Marco - His initials are MF which is perfect, because this was the ultimate motherfucker. Said he was a cage fighter and golden gloves boxer. Has to stop boxing because of a heart monitor in his chest (could actually SEE it under his skin!). He *could* box again...if he had the monitor taken out but he doesn't have the cash to do it. Thought he was a good guy, because his father has had Alzheimer's for 10 years plus diabetes and cancer so he moved back home to help his 74-year old mother take care of the 87-year old father. Wants to start a tattoo shop, already has the T Shirts made.
Says that in a relationship, people should see each other everyday. Uh-uh. Not for this EXTREMELY busy grrl. Brings over the video of his cage fight. Dated 2000. Rage in the Cage. Fight lasts 30 seconds and he taps out. I ask when the next round is. He says "That's it". I ask about the other fights. There haven't been any. ONE fight that lasts all of 30 seconds and he claims to be a cage fighter.
Changes his phone number. Makes the stupid T shirts for the non-existent tattoo shop null because THE PHONE NUMBER NO LONGER EXISTS.
Brings over his sketch book. Says he is an artist. I hold back the urine that wants to gush from me with laughter as I look at the sketches. I feel badly for anyone getting a tattoo from him. My 5-year old niece can draw a better box.
Last straw: Calls me selfish because I wouldn't make out with him at the end of an evening on a day when I had puked 3 times. Who the FUCK would WANT to make out with someone who puked all day????????
Called me a loser. I am a pro comedienne and radio DJ, along with music promoter. And I'm the loser. BTW, I've done all of these things more than once, for more than 30 seconds.
Tonight
Anthony - we've been emailing and talking on the phone for months, both really busy and can appreciate the fact we both have decent lives. He just started his own business and ACTUALLY owns a tattoo shop. Yes, it's up and running. Believe me, I checked. We finally make time to go out tonight. Meet him at a place to grab a bite. He is on a really nice Harley. And 6 months ago just got out of prison. 16 years. Didn't call me last night because of some drama in which he could have gotten arrested for assault. Bought a cheap car because as he was about to go into the finance office at a dealership to get something newer, his PAROLE officer tells him he can't but it. HIS PAROLE OFFICER. I have never in my life even PUNCHED anyone, let alone had a parole officer! The thing that sucks is he is really nice, but boys like that never change. He's been in the pokey more than once.
Hey, at least he told me on the first date! I will remain friends with him. No second date will be coming, though!
January 2008
BJ - his real name is Abner. BJ/Abner? ???? That should have been the first sign. We dated all of two weeks. Until I found out his "ex" was going to have their baby in May. Said their relationship was over. Stupid me. I emailed her on myspace. I didn't want to start drama, just wanted to be sure SHE wasn't going to get hurt. Turns out, they were trying to work things out. He had commitment issues and they had been "together" for about 2 years. He got mad that I stayed home for the Superbowl and didn't hang out with him. Never heard from him again. She and I still write.
February 2008
Art - Really, really sweet guy. He actually won a date with me for Valentine's Day. It was a nice evening. Two days later was my birthday. He came out to my party. Again, still sweet. The following weekend, took him and his son to the Wildlife World Zoo. I treated. He is a single dad and has raised his 4-year old by himself. Very admirable. I spent $50 for the three of us to get in. I make really good money. No big deal. 4-year old son is still in DIAPERS. NO stroller for the kid at the zoo so he got cranky.
Said it was ok for his kid to be in diapers because he was wearing them till her was 10. WTF???????????? Stayed over once. Didn't even bring a toothbrush. Oral hygiene is key for me. Got totally turned off and despite the fact that he is a really sweet, nice guy who did a lot for me (he fixed things on my car whenever they went wrong) I just couldn't do it any longer.
March 2008
Brian - Met him on singlesnet. Really cute. Made me dinner second time getting together. Most incredible sex ever. Made me gush, even! Didn't want to get serious. I was looking for a relationship. To him to a concert. I drove, he left his motorcycle at my place. Later that night, I go to leave, find him WASTED outside flirting with a really fat ugly chick. He follows me to my car. GONE. It got towed. What's he do? Turns around and goes back into the club. My girl friend takes me to get my car from impound yard. Hear his motorcycle leave my place around 2am...as my FWB was over and gettin' me good. HA!
April - May 2008
Marco - His initials are MF which is perfect, because this was the ultimate motherfucker. Said he was a cage fighter and golden gloves boxer. Has to stop boxing because of a heart monitor in his chest (could actually SEE it under his skin!). He *could* box again...if he had the monitor taken out but he doesn't have the cash to do it. Thought he was a good guy, because his father has had Alzheimer's for 10 years plus diabetes and cancer so he moved back home to help his 74-year old mother take care of the 87-year old father. Wants to start a tattoo shop, already has the T Shirts made.
Says that in a relationship, people should see each other everyday. Uh-uh. Not for this EXTREMELY busy grrl. Brings over the video of his cage fight. Dated 2000. Rage in the Cage. Fight lasts 30 seconds and he taps out. I ask when the next round is. He says "That's it". I ask about the other fights. There haven't been any. ONE fight that lasts all of 30 seconds and he claims to be a cage fighter.
Changes his phone number. Makes the stupid T shirts for the non-existent tattoo shop null because THE PHONE NUMBER NO LONGER EXISTS.
Brings over his sketch book. Says he is an artist. I hold back the urine that wants to gush from me with laughter as I look at the sketches. I feel badly for anyone getting a tattoo from him. My 5-year old niece can draw a better box.
Last straw: Calls me selfish because I wouldn't make out with him at the end of an evening on a day when I had puked 3 times. Who the FUCK would WANT to make out with someone who puked all day????????
Called me a loser. I am a pro comedienne and radio DJ, along with music promoter. And I'm the loser. BTW, I've done all of these things more than once, for more than 30 seconds.
Tonight
Anthony - we've been emailing and talking on the phone for months, both really busy and can appreciate the fact we both have decent lives. He just started his own business and ACTUALLY owns a tattoo shop. Yes, it's up and running. Believe me, I checked. We finally make time to go out tonight. Meet him at a place to grab a bite. He is on a really nice Harley. And 6 months ago just got out of prison. 16 years. Didn't call me last night because of some drama in which he could have gotten arrested for assault. Bought a cheap car because as he was about to go into the finance office at a dealership to get something newer, his PAROLE officer tells him he can't but it. HIS PAROLE OFFICER. I have never in my life even PUNCHED anyone, let alone had a parole officer! The thing that sucks is he is really nice, but boys like that never change. He's been in the pokey more than once.
Hey, at least he told me on the first date! I will remain friends with him. No second date will be coming, though!
Friday, April 11, 2008
the morning after a bad date gone wrong
I'm here. Sent at 8:41 AM on Friday
marco: hi
me: hey happy friday
marco: not for me
me: well, me neither but i say it anyway Sent at 8:46 AM on Friday
marco: no i don't feel well,didn't sleep weel.back hurt,computer giving me problem and i'm probably gogint tro box with my kids mom's husnband this afternoon when i see him Sent at 8:48 AM on Friday
me: why Sent at 8:50 AM on Friday
marco: because her and i got into it about her buy the boy 50-60 dollar pairs of shoes when there 60 years old and she want me to pay for half aside from 800 child support amonth so.she going to say something to me and i going to take out my anger out on his head.6 yearoldsheis going to say something Sent at 8:53 AM on Friday
marco: i know drama but u ask and i told. Sent at 8:54 AM on Friday
me: BUT WHY TAKE IT OUT ON HIM IF IT'S HER GIVING YOU SHIT ABOUT IT?whoops caps sorry
marco: because he runs his mouth think hes a little bad ass and he will be like don't talk to my wife like that.so i will have to break my foot in his ass. Sent at 8:58 AM on Friday
me: hahaha
marco: not that fun to see me fight actually
me: i'm not a fighter so i would laugh
marco: oh me: your temper scares me
marco: y is that?what do u think would happen?
me: i don't know what would but i don't deal well with itwhen i was little and my parents fought (drunk dad) my mom would find me later hiding behind the couchwhen my ex yelled at me for 36hours i tried to hide or find a way to shut it offi locked the bathroom door and he grabbed a screwdriver and busted the doorknobabout two years after my father died of cancer, my mom had a breast cancer scare...i was fucke3d up about it because my mom and i are way close... marco: well i not that bad for 36 hours or anything.but u can expect to push someone button and then not get a pissed off person
me: and for 3 days i was upset. he got mad that we didn't have sex. then he raped me said it was my obligation as his girlfriend to have sex with him, no matter what life threw at me
marco: I sorry to hear that.one more thing for me not to want to touch ubecause i don't want to mess u up in the head.
me: i can't go through that again, marcoi cried all night, didn't sleep last nighti guess it's better it happened so early because i was falling in love with you so damn hard
marco: well then i guess i will leavfe u alone then.sorry about all of thisbut this is actually all ur fault not mine Sent at 9:06 AM on Friday
marco: as a guy u can't fuck his head up and expect hinmt to be ok when u say stop that si the way women get raped.i don't do that but i do get [pissed.
me: hahahahaha whatever. you can't just expect to get laid anytime you want. that is NOT the finale to good kissing. that's pretty selfish and immature, actuallyand women get raped because men think that our duty is to put out. that's bullshit
marco: but u don't get that and most women don't because u guy think it make it more exciting to the man .it doesn't it makes us go its never going to happen and she like fucking with guys head and that is a blow to our ego.well maybe it think like that that has u single./
me: nobody fucked with your head
marco: u did because i say u did.
me: nope
marco: reallyyy??? marco is typing…: i knew u should have out all my hops into u and u were too good to be true and to think i was starting to fal in love with u.thx for show ur true collrscolors me: in a relationship, a REAL one (seems like you haven't had that) people respect each other hey, you too might want to cut back on the 'roids.
marco: did u think u resepct me.when u embarred me infront of the waitress last night?
me: how did i embarrass you?????????????????????????ugh you don't take responsibility for anything you do, do you?everything is always everyone else's fault?
marco: say ing u were going to make out with her?whats my fault exactlly?
me: oh man if you took that seriously, then you definitely don't have thesense of humor to be with me
marco: no that was disrespectfull
me: Nope. I'm done. I don't argue and even though you thriveon drama, I don't.disrespectful is not taking someone's comfort into account and just thinking of your dick.
marco: whatever u fuckin loser go be with the dirt bag there the only ones u deserve!
me: I want to be with someone secure enough toyou're one of them
I'm the loser????????????Hahahaha
Good one.
marco: hi
me: hey happy friday
marco: not for me
me: well, me neither but i say it anyway Sent at 8:46 AM on Friday
marco: no i don't feel well,didn't sleep weel.back hurt,computer giving me problem and i'm probably gogint tro box with my kids mom's husnband this afternoon when i see him Sent at 8:48 AM on Friday
me: why Sent at 8:50 AM on Friday
marco: because her and i got into it about her buy the boy 50-60 dollar pairs of shoes when there 60 years old and she want me to pay for half aside from 800 child support amonth so.she going to say something to me and i going to take out my anger out on his head.6 yearoldsheis going to say something Sent at 8:53 AM on Friday
marco: i know drama but u ask and i told. Sent at 8:54 AM on Friday
me: BUT WHY TAKE IT OUT ON HIM IF IT'S HER GIVING YOU SHIT ABOUT IT?whoops caps sorry
marco: because he runs his mouth think hes a little bad ass and he will be like don't talk to my wife like that.so i will have to break my foot in his ass. Sent at 8:58 AM on Friday
me: hahaha
marco: not that fun to see me fight actually
me: i'm not a fighter so i would laugh
marco: oh me: your temper scares me
marco: y is that?what do u think would happen?
me: i don't know what would but i don't deal well with itwhen i was little and my parents fought (drunk dad) my mom would find me later hiding behind the couchwhen my ex yelled at me for 36hours i tried to hide or find a way to shut it offi locked the bathroom door and he grabbed a screwdriver and busted the doorknobabout two years after my father died of cancer, my mom had a breast cancer scare...i was fucke3d up about it because my mom and i are way close... marco: well i not that bad for 36 hours or anything.but u can expect to push someone button and then not get a pissed off person
me: and for 3 days i was upset. he got mad that we didn't have sex. then he raped me said it was my obligation as his girlfriend to have sex with him, no matter what life threw at me
marco: I sorry to hear that.one more thing for me not to want to touch ubecause i don't want to mess u up in the head.
me: i can't go through that again, marcoi cried all night, didn't sleep last nighti guess it's better it happened so early because i was falling in love with you so damn hard
marco: well then i guess i will leavfe u alone then.sorry about all of thisbut this is actually all ur fault not mine Sent at 9:06 AM on Friday
marco: as a guy u can't fuck his head up and expect hinmt to be ok when u say stop that si the way women get raped.i don't do that but i do get [pissed.
me: hahahahaha whatever. you can't just expect to get laid anytime you want. that is NOT the finale to good kissing. that's pretty selfish and immature, actuallyand women get raped because men think that our duty is to put out. that's bullshit
marco: but u don't get that and most women don't because u guy think it make it more exciting to the man .it doesn't it makes us go its never going to happen and she like fucking with guys head and that is a blow to our ego.well maybe it think like that that has u single./
me: nobody fucked with your head
marco: u did because i say u did.
me: nope
marco: reallyyy??? marco is typing…: i knew u should have out all my hops into u and u were too good to be true and to think i was starting to fal in love with u.thx for show ur true collrscolors me: in a relationship, a REAL one (seems like you haven't had that) people respect each other hey, you too might want to cut back on the 'roids.
marco: did u think u resepct me.when u embarred me infront of the waitress last night?
me: how did i embarrass you?????????????????????????ugh you don't take responsibility for anything you do, do you?everything is always everyone else's fault?
marco: say ing u were going to make out with her?whats my fault exactlly?
me: oh man if you took that seriously, then you definitely don't have thesense of humor to be with me
marco: no that was disrespectfull
me: Nope. I'm done. I don't argue and even though you thriveon drama, I don't.disrespectful is not taking someone's comfort into account and just thinking of your dick.
marco: whatever u fuckin loser go be with the dirt bag there the only ones u deserve!
me: I want to be with someone secure enough toyou're one of them
I'm the loser????????????Hahahaha
Good one.
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