Serial Dating, Part 4

James - another football player. Ok, he played in college and claimed to "own" a minor football league. We went to dinner. I am writing Harley's off for first dates, they all turn into disasters, even though it's my favorite place. James owns a minor football league team. Big guy. As soon as we sat down, I wasn't sure where to look: he had a lazy eye! OMG, what to do? Proceeds to brag about himself the entire meal...but, wait! It was a dessert date and he didn't even order anything! Wouldn't share my tiramisu. Now, when you take a girl to a restaurant, you can't have her be the only one eating. The conversation was pretty much one-sided. He never asked me anything about myself, but I did learn that his parents said to him last Xmas "Do you want a couple thousand or some video games?"
This was also Olympic season. Women's beach volleyball. He kept talking about how hot the girls were. Um, excuse me, I may not be a beach volleyball player, but I'm pretty hot. Besides. what a scum for talking like that!
Who brags, when you're over 30, about your parents giving you money? He chose the video games. I was so put off by the bragging. Ew, and he went in for a kiss after. I just gave him a hug, since he's about 6'5" and I'm...5'.
I played the total guy after that night. He called and texted for a week and I wouldn't answer. Finally, I sent him an email, pinpointing WHY our date wasn't really that great (this is copy/pasted from my sent box):

So, I just got your text. I don't know if you go out on first dates a lot. I left there feeling extremely uncomfortable.

1. When you invite someone out to eat, you'd better join in the food. If not, the girl feels like a total pig.

2. Remarking about the hot bods on beach volleyball players isn't very nice. Women feel shitty enough about themselves.

3. Money does not make the man. Bragging about your parents giving you "a couple grand" for Xmas isn't impressive.

4. Always ask as many questions as you are asked. It will make you seem interested. No questions, obviously not interested.

5. Never keep your cell phone out during a date. It's incredibly rude. That's what the bathroom is for.

6. I think it's really cool that you take care of yourself with the whole mani/pedi thing.

7. I really appreciate the massage offer. I only turned it down because there was no way to get to know each other on a first date while being rubbed down.

Good luck!

Ugh!

Travis - really nice guy, in a potato-shaped way. Cute dimples. He was actually interested in what I had to say. I would definitely go out with him again, but would have to keep an open mind, since there wasn't much chemistry. It could happen, though!

Another James - He happened to work with a close friend of mine and was the neighbor of that friend's girlfriend. She said he was very good-looking. At least I know he has a decent job, I kinda know where he lives, so it's not like some of the losers I've dated! James WAS good-looking! We met at a STarbucks - but he didn't want to order anything and didn't offer me anything. Red Flag Number One. We had great conversation...but then he asked me "Would you ever sleep with a woman?" WTF???? Am I in college??? When I answered in a way that he apparently wasn't happy with, he kept going on about it...for about 5 minutes! What a turn-off! Hey, when you're actually in a relationship, I think it's OK to talk about that stuff. But, on a first date?????????? Really interesting guy, very funny. Didn't go for a kiss, though. Said "I don't chase" when it comes to women. Whatever! We were supposed to go to First Friday that week. We had been talking about it for almost a month. Never happened, but not like I was sitting by the phone waiting. He texted me a couple weeks later. He initiated, so maybe he does chase. I think we could have gotten along well, but I think he's just looking for a booty call. I already have that.
NEXT!
Jerry - Ah, yes, another athlete. Mine league Baseball. Has a really good job and a ton of money. Nice looking and definitely into me. We went to the movies one night. Had a good time. This is where I mention his Escalade with 12 TVs. Flashy nigga. His truck wouldn't start one night and he asked if I could pick him up when the tow truck dropped him off. Sure, I don't mind. Didn't realize this would happen at 2 am, but whatever. Took me to breakfast the next morning since I helped. Well, I took him since his truck was in the shop. IHOP. Ugh! About a week later, takes me to Rokerij. I chose the place. The guy eats like a slob. When his plates were picked up, there was a clean spot only where the plate was, and food scattered everywhere. Gross! Went back to my place and I figured that I should probably put out. Ugh, I hate being a girl sometimes! Seriously, though, he was coming on pretty strong. We sat on the couch for a bit and this is where he went to a "possibility" to "no fucking way!" I have two cats, one I've had for 15 years. She jumped up on the couch for some love and HE PUT MY COUCH CUSHION UP AS A BARRIER. No WAY. Uh-uh. Not gonna fly with me. The rest of the evening...well let's just say he has a certain deformity that I have never, in my life , come across. 30 seconds later, thank god, he is about to fall asleep! No way. I nudge him and remind him that there is no way he is crashing here. Yeah, I am such a guy! He texted a few times, but, honestly, I'm not interested. No amount of spoiling me can make up for...that...