Ugh, my birthday.

Most people get excited about their birthday. Me...eh. My father died the day before my birthday 6 years ago. It's like a cloud hanging over me. So, for a couple years now, I've had a party. Have bands play or just get everyone together at a friend's pub. I need to surround myself with good people who may *actually* care for a few hours. Get my mind off 1) Turning 38. *vomit* 2) My dad 3) Still being single
I hate my birthday. I think I'll change the date. I mean, you can change your name, so surely there's a way to change your birthdate, right? RIGHT??????

I may have figured it out...

Yeah, I actually believe what guys say. The "Oh, we have so much in common," or the "are you just saying that to impress me?" shit. The endless texts but no phone call or actually face-to-face time. My problem is that I actually take to heart what people tell me. I'm just going to be a total cynic. What kills me most? I have a male friend who hasn't worked in almost 6 months. Love him to death. Doesn't even have his own place or even a vehicle to drive at the moment. HE is dating someone!!! How can this be??? How can a guy with absolutely NOTHING to offer have someone to hold and kiss, and here I am. Great job, nice car, cool apartment and all the other awesomeness about me...and nobody. WTF????????? I mean, yeah, he has a great personality, but there's not even a dollar in his pocket. *I* have a great personality, too. Geesh.
So, I'm just gonna keep my eyes open and ears shut. No more making the first move. No more "chasing" and making the first contact of the day. Fuck that shit. Everything you say is just bullshit, anyway.

The definition of insanity

Einstein said it was doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. In the past couple months, I think I became insane! A friend asked why I hadn't posted a blog lately. I'm breaking the insanity cycle. Here I was, Lil Miss Serial Dater. Meeting guys in the same way, expecting it to finally work.
Done with that. Told Mr. Love to fly a kite. That was a situation that, after 8 months, wasn't changing.
For now, I'll stay alone. It will have to smack me in the face. He will have to find me. It's gonna take a strong man to be able to deal with my life. I won't change it for anyone. I've worked for 6 years to get where I am. While I'm not anywhere close to where I want to be in my careers, I'm getting there. My dreams and ambitions will always come first. He who can live it with me is he who drives the 4 hours to Vegas with me. Ha!